His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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