good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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