Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
