Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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