There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize