I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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