Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
