Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
