My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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