I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
