she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
