im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
