There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
