A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He shit in the fireplace
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize