we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
