I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
