I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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