SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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