Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
