In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
