i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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