Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
