i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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