Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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