Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
