It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
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I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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