I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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