ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
