i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You don't make any sense
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