My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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