Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
