I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
