wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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