Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
