I think I am morally bankrupt
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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