So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
