$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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