so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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