I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
