I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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