He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
