I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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