I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
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This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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