How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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