She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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