so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
