Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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