I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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