I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
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You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
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Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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