My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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