were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize