i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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