he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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