don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
