Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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