Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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