Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
