I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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