Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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