When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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