she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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