I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
